You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
