I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
