My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
