We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize