i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
