I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
