So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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