so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
