so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
