There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
