im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
