Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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