He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
