Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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