When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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