so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
