She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
