I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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