It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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