evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
