he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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