We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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