Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
