I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
