so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
