Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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