I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
