why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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