take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
