Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
