Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Welp...herpes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
