So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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