Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
