I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
