I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
