I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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