someone threw a dead crab at me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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