weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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