these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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