No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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