i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
