fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
