so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
