Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just google imaged poop.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
