This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
