I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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