ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
