I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
