alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
