someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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