she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
