So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
