i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
