fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
