I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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