She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
