i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
