Your mouth is God's brothel.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
