i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
