Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We smell like vodka and hangover
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