I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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