Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
