Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
