hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
