There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?