can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
vagina is talking i cant
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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