I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Porn is love you can see.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
