you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.