I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
