guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Farmville is her only friend.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
