You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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