A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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