and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
