tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
