Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
