i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
