i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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