How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want a musical about memes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
