jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
