I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize